When The Honey On Your Honey Do List Is You

First, before you read this, mosey on over to my girl's post here. Allie has a great point. Why is it so great to have a man around the house? Because they can do all the domestic crap around the house that's a pain in the butt. Especially Allie's smoking alarm. It reminded me of the closet light bulb that is burnt out in the kids' room. It's got a cover over the light that's screwed in tighter than Fort Knox. Get a screw driver, chair and light bulb to replace it?

So, here, thanks to Allie Baby, is my list of things that have become a bigger pain in the ass since I started living sans man in the house.

(The things that have actually gotten better because THERE ISN'T one, is a whole other post...winky face)

Car Maintenance: The screen is telling me to add washer fluid. I Googled "women's guide to pouring washing fluid" and guess what? Even Google can tell I'm a moron. It asked me "Did you mean "PUT in washer fluid?" which just proves that Google is a passive aggressive male.

But here's a great little article to teach me all the car things I don't care to know:

Get To Know Your Car’s Fluids: To perform proper car maintenance, you must also be familiar with the different fluids that your vehicle needs. There are six main fluids which you must check and maintain according to manufacturer’s scheduled maintenance:

Brake Fluid: This fluid will deteriorate and get contaminated over time due to moisture. With that in mind, it must be flushed during brake servicing.
Engine Oil: Your car’s oil must be changed once at least every three months or every 3,000 miles. You can change the oil on your own but it is preferable to bring your vehicle to your local auto repair shop.
Engine Coolant/Antifreeze: This fluid must be changed according to your owner’s manual.
Washer Fluid: You can use a commercial windshield washer solvent for this.
Power Steering Fluid: Once your car is low on power steering fluid, you won’t be able to use the power steering feature. This fluid does not have a scheduled maintenance.
Transmission Fluid: Most manufacturers recommend changing this fluid every 15,000 miles.

Grilling: Call me sexist, but I love a man who can grill. I've tried it a couple times and why does food just taste better when someone else cooks it? Maybe it's because I hate raw meat and when I don't have to cook it, I can just believe it's always looked as good as it does when it's cooked. I have a little grill now and I love it but honestly, I just don't have the attention span for it. There's no timer. How I am supposed to remember to go check on it??

Changing light bulbs: I swear, for some reason I'd rather just be in the dark. It's a hassle. I can't explain why. Plus, I like candles and everything looks prettier in candlelight anyway. Or maybe I am lazy. Maybe.

OK, so enough with this "I don't have a honey to do the honey do list" fest. I can do all of these things, I know! Bring on the whatever that liquid is that propels the wind shield wipers. I can do this!

Just call me the next Earnhardt.

Spiders: Mostly because men have bigger feet and bigger feet mean bigger shoes as weapons, it's nice to have a man around to squish those things. Because, ew. But all I have to do is remind myself: as long as it is not black with a red diamond thing on its back or light brown, I am probably safe. Plus, I have a 5 year old boy who weighs 70 lbs. So, basically, he can take care of the varmints and bugs for me.

Dealing with salesman: I never have the guts to tell the vacuum salesmen or the carpet cleaner demonstrators to just beat it. I must have that "I'll believe anything" look on my face and always seriously consider letting them in and giving them millions of dollars. Men can just look them in the eye and said in a dead pan voice "Sorry, we don't believe in vacuums" or some random excuse. If I ever saw a salesmen at the door, I'd have the man go scare them off. These days, I just hit the floor and stay quiet until they leave. Unless it's Girl Scouts. Then get the hell out of my way, there's thin mints to devour.

Manly things the kids are interested in: "Mom, what is radio active?" "Hey, look at the size of this booger!" And "Dude, I just farted and burped at the same time, that's a double whammy!" Have you met my son, the 5 year old with the inner 23 year old personality? Yeah, I'd rather have a second man child laying around to deal with those gross things!

But before I go, let me just say this. If there is a man out there who can do all of these things, while wining and dining me and making me feel special with no strings attached, I will gladly consider his application. Ryan Goseling look a-likes need not apply. (Because there'd be no interview needed, duh.)

And speaking of ALLIE BABY, she and her sponsors (including yours truely) are giving away $100 bucks! You're welcome! :)

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