My Friend Emily, She Cray

Friends, do  I have a treat for you today. In the blur of the beginnings of a CRAY weekend, I totally spaced off a blog post for today. Luckily, my bff Emily randomly got hopped up on coffee this morning and wrote a post for me. I have been telling her for months that she needs to start her own blog and now you can read why she needs one! She's pretty much the funniest, perkiest friend I have. She's the one who comes running with a fountain Diet Pepsi when I need one and makes girl's night a requirement even when I'm grouchy.  She also mixes a mean drink and her hubby and her know the BEST You Tube videos. Laughter for hours with this girl, I am telling you. 

So here you are, Miss Emily, take TWSR over! 

Hi guys! I'm Emily. I stalk Jen's blog and when I went to read it this morning I got distracted and decided I was going to write my own post for her!  Hope she doesn't mind! She loves me and I bring her alcohol, so I know she will let me take over! 

So let's get started shall we? I've notice you bloggers like lista so I came up with 10 things you probably don't care to know about me but I'm gonna tell you anyway.... In no particular order of importance.

1.  I have the coolest daughter in the world. Her name is Nora and she is two going on 7... I swear. Everyone should meet her. I could go on for hours about her, but ill spare you all. Ain't nobody got time for dat!

2. I am terrified of two things. Well, actually now that I think of it I'm scared of a lot of things (who ain't?), but the two things I'm most afraid of are mice and throwing up. Omg, pathetic, i know, but it is totes true. Those little bastards (excuse me) all need to die and when i see one i feel like I'm going to die. I'm talking the heart pounding, tears rolling, sweating like its nobody's biznass, jumping around like a school girl scared. Throwing up? PO-LICE don't get me started. I'm cray-cray.

3. You want something serious? Ok, i will try. I love Jen. Is her blog not the best thing in the world. I check it multiple times a day waiting for a new post. Obsessed much? (Don't act like you don't either!) Yes, yes I am and damnit I'm proud of it. She has a true gift of writing and spilling her heart out. Can i get an A-MEN, people?

4. I am a BeautiControl Consultant. You wouldn't know it by looking at me most days. (I'm a stay at home mom, cut me some slack) I like to go for the comfy clothes, no make up look cause I mean seriously. I hang out with a two year old all day, what is the point? She doesn't care and I call it a successful day when we both have clothes on and we only have 2 temper tantrums instead of 8. Brushing our teeth is a bonus! Whoever came up with the phrase "the terrible two's", homie they weren't joking! Some days I think to myself... "What in the FRENCH TOAST were you thinking quitting your JOB to stay home with this monster" "GOD, why you gotta punish me like this, I'm sorry!! Hmmm, now where were we? Oh yes, BeautiControl. Nevermind, another day.

5. I have OCD. Like something fierce. I'm a clean freak. Thank you baby Jesus for medications. (Shout out to my fav pharmacist.) If you were to move something around in my house, trust me when I say I will find you and it ain't gonna be pretty, honey! You tryna' kill me? I used to lose sleep over it, but thanks to my Lexapro that's a thing of the past. Hallelujia! My husband thanks you, too, advanced medicine. I probably would not be married if I wasn't poppin' them pills. Who's with me? Ain't no shame.

6. Are you bored out of your mind yet? I'm sorry, I suck at this, but the monster got up at 5:00 a.m. I have had a pot of coffee and I am jacked on caffeine, and honestly I have nothing better to do. I can only sustain so much Mickey Mouse and Bubble Guppies, you know what I'm sayin'? Children's TV has taken a turn for the worse. Whatever happened to Care Bears and The Magic School Bus? So number 6 is me telling you that I am so random its unbelievable. Seriously, did that just happen? Okay I should erase number 6, but I'm just too lazy. Oh yes, sometimes I'm lazy too... As long as my house is clean. Guilty.

7. I'm pretty sure I make the best homemade mac n cheese in the world. (Yes, I am bragging and I don't brag, ever, but seriously it is da-bomb.) Ill share my secret with you all cause I'm feeling generous after my entire pot of coffee. Boil some noodles, drain. (Obviously, duh.) Add a little milk, some butter and chunks of Velveeta (the cheesier the better). And im talking the original stuff, not that 2% milk crap. Disgusting. Ok and then the final ingredient that you must not forget is sugar (to taste).  Yes, I said sugar. Do it, trust me. You will eat your face off, I promise. I apologize now if your kids are running around like crazy people after they eat it. It is so worth it. And plus, if they can't sleep just give them Benadryl. That is what all good parents do, right? (Don't act like you haven't done it, or considered it). :) (Then Snap Chat a pic of said mac and cheese to Jen to make her jelly!)

8. There is nothing I love more than laying in my bed at night and reading. But, I have a routine first. The OCD, remember? I first check my Facebook to make sure I haven't missed anything. Then my Twitter, then my Instagram. Sometimes it takes 5 minutes, sometimes it takes 2 hours. You just never know, ya know? After that is all complete I get on my Kindle and read until I can barely make out the words anymore from dozing off. Pure Bliss. The only thing that would make it better is wine. Why haven't I done that thus far? I may have to pop an extra pill, but I think I can squeeze it into my nightly routine. ;) Aren't you glad you know that now? Me too, I feel so close to you.

9. "You only live once, but if you live it right, once is enough." AMEN? Can we get serious for a moment? I am rarely serious cause life is too short to be too serious all the time, but just give me a second. I think everything happens for a reason and everyone deserves to be happy. I think if you arent happy you should do something to find happiness again. I try very hard to not judge people because you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Sometimes people worry too much about others when they should be worrying about themselves. I strive to be a really great friend, too. Everyone needs a great friend who they can totally be themselves around and never have to question that friendship. You mess with my friend you mess with me. Yes, I may only be 4'11", but i have a pretty intense mean mug and yes, I will stoop to that level if need be. Haha. I know we dont know each other, but promise me one thing... Always strive to be happy and never regret. Life is way too precious and short. Don't sweat the small stuff and pick your battles. Be slow to judge and quick to forgive and always, always, always walk with love in your heart. Smiling helps, too. Smiling is my favorite. Razzle Dazzle, you are a rockstar! Yes, you!

10. My husband and daughter are my world and I feel so blessed to have them in my life. 

Damn, I'm getting sappy. WTF? No, but truly. My entire family is amazing and have I mentioned our friends? We would not be where we are without every single person, wouldn't you all agree? Life is a garden, dig it, baby. When life gets hard, put your big girl panties on and drink lots of wine. Lots and lots of wine. Ahhhh. I once heard a quote and I wanna share it with you. "Alcohol may not solve all of your problems, but neither will water or milk."  

Cheers, my friend. And always remember, everyone has issues. If someone tries telling you they don't they are bat-shit cray-cray and a LIAR. So think of your issues and be proud. They make you, YOU. And life would be so boring if we didn't have them. Thanks for hanging in there and reading this short novel, you are a saint. Oh crap, I gotta go. The monster just yelled "uh oh" and holy God that is NEVER good. "Breathe, Emily, Breathe."

Okay see what I mean? Let's start a petition to get Emily to start her own blog! I've even started brainstorming catchy blog names for her!

Currently, Em and I are hanging out with the little girls while they try on princess clothes and put craft tape all over our legs. And trust me, it's as fun as it sounds! 

Happy Friday everyone!