How does one survive all of this madness? Short of crawling in a hole and having someone sling me cranberry sauce on a role with leftover turkey, I don't know how most people get through the holidays without going crazy.
So I woke up this morning with this list in my head:
How To Survive the Holidays Without Looking Like a Grinch
1. Wear comfortable clothes. Elastic pants with plenty of give are a must. Anyone who says leggings aren't pants during the holidays can get bent. I'm serious. What's the problem? I love them so much and the sweaters I wear cover my rump. I need to be comfortable and there's no time to actually feel myself getting larger every time I have a another helping of cheesy potatoes; hence the elastic.
2.Limit Social Media. I can only take the themed posts for so long. I'm happy you're thankful, but don't you think it's stretching a little bit when you bring up your brother's cousin's 4th grade teacher who once taught you a better way to tie your shoe? And thanking the people at your favorite coffee shop for going the extra mile on the whipped cream? Who are you, Travis from Clueless?
And also, by age 42, you should probably be over the impulse of putting your yard reindeer in precarious positions in your front yard AND posting the evidence on Facebook.
Things that do make me giggle are the e-cards about drinking away your misery via eggnog and anything peppermint flavored. And most of the cute pictures of little kids decorating Christmas trees.
Other than that, I just have to limit my newsfeed scans before some innocent person gets unfriended.
3. Develop a bad habit. Just for the holidays. Preferably something that requires you taking a break outside away from the sweating old uncle madness happening inside. Something that will require a quick trip to gas station at least. You WILL need a break, trust me.
4. Have a least one good story to tell. That way you can divert great aunt Pattycake from asking you personal questions. "So Jen, how's the single life, so what's the ex been up to?"
Ummmmm.....your response should be quick and totally steered towards the opposite direction. "Aunt Pattycake, did you know I once entered a fruit salad into the county fair side dish competition and won first place? I would love to share the recipe with you!" Also, when the 85 year old date of your great aunt starts talking about dividing his Viagras to make them last longer, you'll have a nice change of subject choice.
5. Always have a signature dish. Mine is a pecan pie. It never fails to impress. Make this and you'll be good to go. Last year, I took home the Spatula trophy for first place in our annual dessert competition, duh!
Really that's all I've got. This week has been completely blog post free and for that, I am sorry. Weirdly enough, I have barely picked up the computer. I did manage to go shopping on Friday and picked up R1's coveted Under Armour sweatshirt and some awesome deals at the brand new outlet mall in Omaha. This coming weekend, it's shopping on overdrive for the kidlets and family and then BOOM this gal is done with Christmas shopping, BOO ya! Tomorrow I start my new job. Cue shaking knees and nervous hair tugging now!
Happy Sunday friends!
(P.S. I am still RIVETED with The House in the Sky: A Memoir by Amanda Lindhout, check it out if you're looking for a new read! )