You know how when you move, suddenly, boxes of old stuff pop up and you just can't help but sit and go through boxes and boxes for hours, reliving old memories? Well that's what happened to me recently. Randomly, among a bunch of Christmas decorations, I found a box full of old VHS video camera tapes, you know, the little guys that you have to put inside another VHS tape to watch. Anyway so I randomly decided I wanted to watch all of these old home videos and got on Amazon and found the adapter for $8.00. Thanks, Amazon Prime.
The ironic part? I am sitting here on the eve of my 28th birthday and I am watching home videos of my 5th birthday and various Christmases and vacations.
So these are images of the video with my mom and me after my 5th birthday party. I was confessing that a boy at my birthday party was actually my boyfriend. (I mean can you blame me? He was clearly the best at pin the tail on Joey McIntire and musical chairs (we rocked out to Vanilla Ice).
I cried when I saw this video of my mom and me. Why? I think mostly because she looked at me exactly the same way that I look at my own children today. With complete wonder.
I just can't help but think that there's a reason I am spending the night reliving birthdays that happened 25 years ago on the eve of my 28th birthday. There are so many moments where I watch the child in me act like the children that I would someday have. I see my daughter in the way that my 3 year old self yelled for my grandpa and her giggles are the same. I recognize that the sassy 6 year old Jenni has some of the exact same habits of my own hyper little kindergartner. What a priceless gift.
Tomorrow is my birthday and all I can think about is how unhappy and lost I felt this time last year...and in comparison to the hope and happiness I feel this time around...it's something I can't comprehend.
Watching home videos of myself at the same age my own children are now is so funny. I see how my mom reacted to me at that age and realize how similar we really are. And it makes me want to hug my mom so hard. And my kids, too. And while we are at it, I wish I could hug my 3 year old self pretty hard too. (despite my terrible 90s bowl cut, I was pretty cute, believe it or not).
I guess the point of this post is really to thank my mom. There she is, master of the musical chairs and pin the tail on the donkey, trying to pretend she hated being in the whatever hotel pool we were in during a vacation and loving every minute of Christmas morning. Thanks mom, for what seems like a million happy birthdays (though 28 isn't THAT many, is it??)
I couldn't imagine a better way to ring in another year of being me than to sit and relive all the memories that made me me.
I can't wait to make more memories to look back on.
Happy Birthday to Jenni from the past and Happy HAPPY Birthday to Jenni in the years to come.