Lies I Tell Myself (And You Know You Do Too)


If you don't eat dinner tonight, you can have the mac and cheese at Panera for lunch and it basically evens everything out.

You will never run out of clean silverware so the dishes can wait another night. 

You don't need that much sleep. One more chapter will be fine!



Manfriend won't notice that you watched Netflix episodes without him. You can re-watch it and totally pull off acting surprised at who ends up dead at the end of the season. 





No one can hear you sing in the car on your commute. And also, You have the voice of a love child born of Adele, Alanis and James Taylor.

Your kids' teeth are invincible.

You have plenty of time. 


 R2's "nightmares" about princesses frolicking in the woods are legitimate sources of fear and the only way to get her through it is to break your rule about letting her sleep with you.

 You will learn something life changing from watching Say Yes to the Dress, Kardashians and Sister Wives

Small town gossip will eventually go away


 People don't really mean to hurt your feelings.

You will grow out of needing to sleep with the blanket you've had for 17 years.

It's really cool that you sleep with a blankie. 

There's no way someone will drop by unannounced, therefore, there is no need to put on a bra and pick up all the Starburst wrappers.

Keeping the single socks will one day pay off.

You will only have one glass.



Your kids won't ever grow up. 

R2 got her sassy attitude from her grandmother. You are totally not to blame.





If you don't Instagram it, it didn't happen.

If you do Instagram it, it totally looks as cool in real life as it does in Hefe. 



What lies do you tell yourself??